I photographed and edited my own feminine session.

Southeastern, VA womanhood, motherhood, and fertility journey photographer

I captured and edited my own self-portraits, and I needed it now more than ever.

But in order to explain why, I must take you back to when I conceived the idea of Fertile Hope Photography.

I had endured a tumultuous year of fertility struggles, medical appointments, military spouse deployments, quitting my dream job, and perpetual sick dog vet visits.

As much of a hurricane that list was to read, that's how I felt. I felt like I had been knocked around and jostled by the wind storm of it all. Above all, I really, really wanted to be a mom. With tears in my eyes, I felt the creative pull to honor my story and my strength, so I did what any closet creative would do.

I booked a photo session just for me.

Although I loved the photos that resulted from this session, it just wasn’t reaching the layer of what I was trying to unpack. Sure, I saw an inner boldness as I was peering through boudoir curtains, but it didn’t fill the void of motherly hope. 

This is not to discount the photographer’s skills or artistic vision, for this inner longing was truly mine. The experience was simply a stepping stone for me to discover what I really wanted.

And one day, it all came together as I hovered over the kitchen stove scrambling eggs. Three words popped into my head: “Fertile Hope Photography.” 

That was it, but I claimed it, and I knew exactly what it meant.

I had found a niche that was lacking in the art form which I loved ever since I was a little girl carrying a disposable pocket camera snapping photos willy-nilly. Photography became much more. As my skills grew, my creative intentions matured into a hopeful, motherly lens that found me right when I needed it.

The niche that I discovered was to honor the unseen, unspoken journey.

I sought to use the healing art form as both an altar and a prayer. An altar for strength and a prayer for hope. If I craved this outlet, then must be other women, couples, and families who desire to feel seen and be honored in their fertility and motherhood journey.

That’s when Fertile Hope began. Then, a year went by, and I realized…

I had forgotten to give myself the gift that was the catalyst for starting my business—the very photos that I wanted to honor my own story.

In all honesty, there were numerous calendar dates that I had selected for myself and then would scratch them off. Excuses would come up like last-minute events, acne, the weather, or most of the time, apathy.

Nearly a year went by, and the chill of winter was encroaching on fall. I looked outside our backyard and saw the perfect golden glow with less than an hour left to catch it, and I remember thinking, “I really don't want to.”

But I applied my makeup with minimal effort, grabbed my props I had purchased weeks and months ago, and told my hubby, “I need your help with photographing myself. I need to get it done while I can.” That’s just it: the desire I once had to honor my story became nothing more than a task for me.

We scurried over to the neighboring field with the sun just starting to hit the top branches of the trees and a chill starting to bite. I began manufacturing reasons in my head of why this wouldn’t work. 

While I took the place of the frazzled model, hubby took my place as the encourager behind the camera. It was nice to be the one receiving that needed encouragement.

I don’t intend on getting too gushy, as I could go on about how supportive he was for me and how amazing he is, but instead I’ll say that this session turned out to be filled with fun, whimsy, and laughter. And it makes me wonder if this is how my clients feel on the other end of it—walking in feeling like a hot mess and then suddenly glowing like a goddess.

I was editing the photos from my mini feminine session (as I brand them at fertile hope), and that was when I realized something profound about the background. 

The field where we took my self-portraits was also near where I grew up, and it had been calling to me for a while. Was it because of convenience? Maybe. Was it because I love brown hues? Maybe, maybe. But maybe there was also a deeper reason that I didn’t catch until later.

In the background, there’s a weeping willow tree, and it’s the very tree where I would spend years playing as a little girl. The tree had given me so much as a young girl—its curvy branches and the imagination that came with it. Beneath the weeping willow, in the foreground, there I am in my womanhood holding the flowers that remind me of our one-day baby while wearing a meaningful necklace that reminds me to have faith in our fertility journey. 

I see it as the transformation of girlhood into womanhood all in one frame. Even deeper, I see a cycle: the girl that was, the woman that has become, and the girl that will one day be.

I truly didn’t anticipate my images telling the unseen parts of my story, but it did. I finally allowed myself the gift of claiming the fertile hope experience for my own.

If you want to claim your own fertile hope experience, then book a discovery call with me here and let’s chat!